...academic class for my Bachelor's in Elementary Ed.  Woo!  I'm supposed to start student teaching next quarter but I'm not sure when I'm actually going to start because I'm not even placed for my practicum yet.  Grr...  WWU really dropped the ball.  I'm so mad.  I should almost be done, not worried if I'm going to ever be done. 

- END -

1. teenie Christmas tree up in my room.
2. exercise regime all set in the AM.  Now, when am I supposed to start losing weight? 
3. final in my Thursday class in a couple weeks...and I still don't have a practicum. [INSERT WORRIED FACE HERE]
4. Sirius thingie set to Christmas tunes...although I'm not sure how much longer I can stand it.
5. big pile 'o movies sitting on my dresser because I've finished watching them: Troy, Ray, Wild Hogs, and U-571.  They were all good movies.  I borrowed them from Dale, who has hundreds.  He's my new Blockbuster because I don't have to pay for borrowing them.  I must bring them back so that I can exchange them for new ones... [INSERT FACE SMILING WITH ANTICIPATION HERE]


- END -

...blows when you hear bad news right before dinner.  Am I right?

...to be inspired.  Or at least, a good writing prompt.

School and stress (and the combination of both) seem to be getting to me so I think I should pick up a hobby (writing?) before I throw my desk across the room tonight in class.  Although that would make for an interesting class (for once).

- END -

...about robots.  Oh my god!!!

...was a great movie.  You should go watch it.

...I feel like posting another entry for no apparent reason.  I don't have:
1. anything important to say.
2. any thought provoking ideas.

I think it's just because I want to keep busy so that I won't start crying again.  So as of right now, I'm sitting in my pj's, in bed, wishing that I wasn't home.  You know, something's wrong.  So many problems have come up this past week and none of it seems to have been resolved.  Shit just keeps piling up.  Have I pissed off any gods lately???  Cause if I did, I'm sorry.  ...I don't have any human sacrifices to give you.  Sorry... 

I'm starving.  All I had yesterday was cake.  Usually cake makes everything better but not yesterday.  In other news, I went and saw KW and Jack play accoustic at HiLo's last  night.  They're pretty awesome.  They're uh...country/bluegrass/rock...  I know, I know, but you should check them out anyway cause they're really good at what they do.  KW is the lead singer and Jack is the guitarist of Rocky Point Allstars.  Checky check them out.

At HiLo's last night Daniel told everyone a horrible fart joke (Why did God make farts stink?  So that deaf people can enjoy them too.) which make everyone cringe, giggle, and feel horrible for giggling all at the same time.  He promptly farted in the booth and made me cringe...and scoot over.

- END -

...listening to Evan sing "Chocolate Rain" or being at Romeo's when the power went out...  

...doing my homework.

I'm tired as hell because I only got three hours of sleep last night.  I probably should be sleeping right now instead of procrastinating by posting some random rant about god knows what.  I have absolutely nothing to talk/blog about so I'm merely wasting time (mine and yours) which is fine with me.  So what's happened since I last posted something?  Well, let's see:

1. Daniel got a new dog.  She's a lab/pointer mix and she has a shoe fetish.

2. I have three goldfish (I used to have five which I named the Jackson 5 - they've since became the Jackson Trio because Tito and Michael died), a betta (Johnny Storm), and two hermit crabs (Capt. Planet and James Bond).  Yes, yes... [INSERT "JOY'S GOT CRABS" JOKE HERE]  I could say, "Mom caged them after she got them from Evan."  Or, "Mom captured them after she found them running around in Evan's pants."  After all, something/one named James in Evan's pants...not too out-of-thee-question, is it?  Or perhaps something/one who calls himself "Captain" in Evan's pants...  But, no.  Those would be lies.  Daniel was with me when I got them.  :)

3. I started school.  My last academic quarter before I student teach in the winter.

4. I have yet to escape from my list fetish. 

5. I have been watching movies like a mad-woman.  I think I've finally had my fill of the horror genre for a while.  Those silly serial killers have finally started to get to me.  There's a point where you just have to wonder if you're getting de-sensitized to things, am I right?

6. I've come to the realization that I think I'm addicted to MySpace.  Somebody save me.

7. I've also come to the conclusion that I need to read more.  Err, read more books that aren't textbooks.  Although I think that I wouldn't be the first illiterate elementary school teacher, it's not my goal in life to try to become one.  Any reading selection suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

- J

I generally don't double post blog/journal entries but this one is really important to me and I wanted to share it and ask everyone's opinion.  My MySpace blog is only available to my friends and this one is open to...whoever...

For the past year or so I have been grappling with the thought that people are generally and genuinely good people.  In psychology classes I have been introduced to the ideas of nature versus nurture and whether people are born good or whether it is a characteristic that is taught and learned through their experiences.  I like to think that people are born good and that the environment changes what their personality is like.  Do you think that people have the ability to change any of that?  If the environment that you are surrounded by changes you into something that you don’t want to be, would you have the ability to make the changes that you need to in order to be the person that you want to be?

Human nature is what makes us…us.  It is the standard that we hold ourselves too.  Behaviors that we believe to be “normal”.  I understand that human nature isn’t perfect.  Human nature in and of itself, contains characteristics that I consider to be, er…not the best.  I was so fascinated by this that I looked it up.  I just don’t understand why people don’t do what they know is right.  Moral objectivism says that the general public knows that something is right or wrong no matter what their opinion of that topic is.  It’s that inherent humanity that everyone has inside of them that tells us that murder is a bad thing.  Human condition deals with how we deal with certain events that occur in everyday life.  Depending on how you deal with those things, your personality will differ from others.  Moral absolutism says that things are right or wrong regardless of what the situation is. 

Now, I am assuming that those things (moral objectivism, human condition, and moral absolutism) is what makes us who we are.  But the question that I pose is that if we all know that killing someone is wrong, why do people still do it?  What is it that makes someone react to an event with such hostility and violence?  If we, as a society, all (basically) agree on what is good and evil (generosity = good, greed = evil), then why do people still insistent on having the qualities that we consider evil?  Is it because we can’t change those qualities in us?  It is also extremely disheartening to me to see something so contradictory as good and evil inherent in everyone everyday but I suppose that’s what makes us human.

Is it really naivety that makes me believe that everyone has the capability to do good or is am I just stupid?  I found myself in tears today as I thought about human nature and what we are really capable of when we only think of ourselves.  I suppose that being defensive is a part of human nature.  When we are faced with “danger” we do certain things to defend ourselves (no matter what kind of attack is coming upon us – like a tiger or an accusation).  But if we step back and look at the situation through an objective point of view, we often see things a little differently (unless you’re getting mauled by a tiger).  Things often change when we look at the big picture.  So why don’t we do it more often?

Then I realized that I’m not as good of a judge of character as I thought I was and that made me angry.  I try to surround myself with people that I care about and that bring happiness (I almost put “joy”) to the people around them.  Maybe I am so blinded by my rose colored glasses, that I don’t really see what’s going on around me.  Maybe I don’t really surround myself with people like that.  Maybe I’m seeing the qualities that I want to see and not the most important and dominant qualities.  So what does that make me?

I try to be a good person every day.  I try to help people.  I try to make people smile.  I try to hold good qualities in myself that I believe everyone should have (sincerity, honesty, good will, courteousness, etc.)  I have made mistakes in the past - we all have - and I’ve learned from those mistakes.  I have seen the consequences of the actions that I make everyday.  It’s so discouraging to see that people can be involved in themselves and not realize what the repercussions of their actions are.  I try not to be that blind.  I’m not perfect and I don’t try to be but I want to wake up every morning and know that I try to be a good person everyday. 

I suppose that the question that is bothering me the most is, “Why is this topic bothering me so much?”

...jealous and lonely.  Two emotions I could do without.  Bleh.  It's weird because when I start feeling extremely lonely, I tend to either veer towards the people that I love to be around the most or isolate myself even more.  Why isolate myself when I'm feeling lonely?  WTF...  And being jealous just pisses me off.  Daniel's being this "great" boyfriend since we haven't been seeing each other everyday and I've been missing him.  Today he tells me about how some girl that he is going to see everyday was flirting with him and asking him about his relationship status.  I immediately played the jealous girlfriend part and got angry.  I didn't say anything to him because he did all the right things: "I've got a girlfriend" or whatever.  Still...  I don't like her very much.  Not that I know who she is...

In other news, I've got myself a get rich quick scheme!  Minus the "quick" part.  How much are stamps now anyway?  I only have first class stamps.

- J

...mad mad mad...

Well, I’ve never been very interested in politics because it’s always seemed really sticky to me and I’m pretty ignorant when it comes to political topics and concepts.  Everyone leans in a different direction and political discussions (though interesting when all parties are well-informed) can get real touchy, real fast.  Well, as incredibly credulous and dense as I am, I’ve been really curious about the inner-workings of anarchy and anarcho-syndicalism because I have run across that concept a lot lately.  Punks spew out “Anarchy!” like the government and the state are the worse things to happen to society.  Teen punks run around screaming “Down with [insert political affiliation here]!”  and “Anarchy for life!!!” because they think it’s cool to revolt against authority and they don’t want people telling them what to do… But, pardon me if I’m completely wrong – or rational - that’s not what anarchism is really about, is it?  I always thought that the theory behind anarchism was about autonomy (the ability for people or a group of people to be self governing and to be able to make decisions on their own without the presence of an authority figure).  Did I over-simplify this concept?  I mean, it can't really be just some kind of fad, can it?  It's not just about revolting for the sake of revolting, is it?  Somewhere in between what the original concept was and what teen punks are spewing out, the actual concept of "anarchism" got a little jumbled...didn't it?

I have so many questions!  How does a society move forward without someone taking some kind of authority position?  Since the presence of a government, has there been a society somewhere that has tried anarchism and been successful?  I mean, society coming together to and making rational decisions on important topics and come to a consensus...is that even possible? Values, morals, beliefs, ability…everyone has a different level of each of these things and all of those differences add up pretty quickly when you are trying to come up with a consensus in order to form some kind of functioning society.  I just don’t see how it can work.  Am I just a dink?

- J

...a poor college student.  My job was draining all of my energy so I quit.  Besides, I need to save as much energy for my Anthro, Linguistics, and Statistics classes.  Oh, and let us not forget my practicum at the alternative school.  I'm only there two days a week but that place is pretty hard on my energy level as well.  I love going there though.  The students are great!  We are finally getting to know each other.  I've got most of the names down.  Although, I do need to figure out a way to start remembering names faster.  Got any suggestions?

I'm thinking of doing some volunteer work.  I haven't volunteered anywhere for a couple years and I think that it's starting to take a toll on my spirit (is that the right toll?).  I read in the paper that the Crisis Center is looking for some volunteers but it seems to me that, that takes a special kind of person to be able to handle the people that call in.  I'm not sure if I have what it takes.  I'm going to give them a call though and see what's up with the volunteer positions that they have advertised.  Otherwise, I might volunteer at the animal shelter place so I can play with puppies for a few hours a day.  Either that or a I might volunteer at a nearby elementary school as a reading buddy for some students.  Volunteer work should get my mind off of my problems for a while and concentrate on helping others.  I feel better just thinking about it!

Since I started work, I've gotten so behind on all of my homework!  In fact, I should probably be working on that right now.  But instead, I am being a bum (which sounds a lot more fun to me right now then doing my linguistics homework on the phonetic alphabet).

Anyway, my grandma's funeral is on Sunday.  My parents are gonna head down to PI for that this week but I have to stay here to take care of things while they are gone.  I'm really disappointed (and somewhat upset) that I don't get to go but:
1. someone needs to hold down the fort
2. I have Practicum and school that I can't miss
3. I don't have a valid passport
All of these things are preventing me from leaving this county for long periods of time.  Well, I say "Phooey!" and "Fuck" to that...

OK, I think that I have procrastinated enough.  I have to get going on my creative writing unit for my practicum and phonetic alphabet.

- J

1. It's Saturday!
2. I don't have to go to work tonight!
3. No class tonight!
4. I got paid yesterday!  Money!  In my hands!  Moolah!  Cash-olah!
5. I got new Post-its... (I dunno)
6. White trash season starts in a couple weeks!
7. This is my first post!

In other news:
I want to rip out my right arm at the shoulder.  That's how much my hand hurts...

The only good thing about my online Anthro class is that it gives me an excuse to rent a good movie every couple weeks or so.  Last week it was Mississippi Burning and this week it's going to be Crash.  We can also suggest movies to watch depending on the topic that particular week.  This week it is "stereotypes".  I was almost going to e-mail my teach and ask her if I could watch SLC Punk!, which is beneficial for me because it gives me an excuse to:

1. see Matthew Lillard's pastey, white butt,
2. categorize every single person that I run into as a poser or a punk,
3. be happy that I'm not from Utah,
4. dye my hair blue and run around with a baseball bat screaming "Anarchy!" for no apparent reason
5. reminisce about high school.

But I'm not sure if it's beneficial for the class.  (Does it really matter?)

-END-